In Conversation With ….

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Have you ever wondered what a conversation between Love, Fear, Hope and Loss be like? These are what our thoughts, emotions and hence most parts of our life is made of. Lets witness the drama, as Love, Fear, Hope and Loss go through the alarm of explaining themselves to each other. By getting to know them better, May be we can get to know ourselves better. 

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They met at infinity, the blue from the sky and the blue from the pristine lakes. They wrapped on each other, at that point, like they were meant and made for each other. Love, smiled at that sight with pride, for she got to see the elegance with which she expresses herself at that point in infinity. In close proximity was Hope, savouring the sight of that caressing kiss coming on to each other; and thought to herself, that she in her spirits makes the impossible possible. For, things that are evidently so far apart can come to be one, just by hanging in there and being what they are. Hope knew, that between Now and never anything can happen and that is where she lives – between the Now and Never.

Fear did not even have anything to brace on to as she looked at love and saw loss; turned away to look at hope and saw nothing. Fear could feel her tremor, as she tried to get the balance she is never capable of. She lives like the droplet of water that tries to find its balance on a leaf, as it sways in the unknown vastness of the oceans, to try and save herself from drowning. In the attempt, she is in constant battle with everything around her, like how the droplet of water battles for its balance with the wind, the sway, the ripples, and the fluidity of her ground.

Loss was not interested in being looked at or in looking at the Glory of Love, the Promise of Hope nor the agony of fear. They didn’t mean anything to her. Loss is Everything and Nothing at the same time. All it knows is to live its weight, it takes all the pounding and beating; and has nothing left in itself to give or take.


Love wanted to lend its hand to Loss, Love wanted Loss to see that kiss in the infinity so it can get to experience the ecstasy of Love. Love decided to open the conversation, while Hope looked on, Do not be stuck where you are, Loss;  you do not have to carry the weight of the world. Let Go of that which is weighing you down. Embrace me, Embrace Love!‘ Loss looked up in disbelief and looked back down. A more determined Love continued, ‘Give yourself a chance to redeem. What are you going to gain in holding on to a lost cause! The only thing that heals is Love, here, take my hand!

Hope swallowed what she wanted to say and chose to reside in silence, as Loss gazed at Love in contempt and said, ‘Take my hand!? ….Really?… Don’t you see, that I am what I am because of my inability to Let Go of you? …Do you not realise that it is you, Love, that is weighing me down. I am Loss because I do not do the kind of Love that sticks and shines only in the times of glitz and glamour. I am Loss because, I do not Love only when it is convenient and comfortable. I do not Love for convenience, I know to Love when it is no So! I am Loss because I Love in the darkest of days,  I Love in angst, anger and agony. I Love even when you have nothing to give me. I Love even when you have given up on me.  I do not know how to stop loving when all the giggles have gone home and has left me gasping in tears. You call my Love a lost cause , I know no cause, no reason. You call this destruction, Yes, I Love even if its means and cost is my own self-destruction. I am not the Love that goes away when it hurts. Yes, Love, you heal but you also hurt. I am Loss because I Love with no If’s or But’s; I am Loss because I am you in its most purest form and I Love because I do not know how not to!”

Love was taken aback. She could not believe how she has failed herself completely, and wondered why she didn’t have the capacity to identify herself in Loss. She was blank as she processed the feeling, as it felt like looking into a mirror and failing to see herself in it. She didn’t know what she was blind to. 

Hope was unable to hold it in anymore, her rage and hence her blaze was beyond her point of control. “That is the problem with you Love. Having you around is as big an agony as not having you. Your self-righteousness needs a check. You are ecstasy and agony, Do you get that?… You do not get to pick a side and project yourself only as the glitter and glamour of life. The problem with you is that you are misleading yourself and others. You in your ecstasy promise the impossible; you want to be me? …You can only be yourself, you cannot be me! Love, you do not have it in you to be Hope. You in your nature can only be for the other and with the other through light and dark. You mislead with no power or capacity the Promise of Hope and when your ecstasy drains out, everything runs out. Are you getting this? … As to why Loss and Fear see me and see nothing? …Because they do not know that I exist on my own. All they know is your misleading promises! You are a disgrace to yourself, Love!”

Love had always thought Hope and her are allies and never did she know that Hope will have anything to blame her for. The confrontation ripped Love of her dignity and she did not have anything in her defence. 

 As she battled herself, Fear tremors more because of what she heard. Her instincts did what she would always strive for, come in to rescue and defend. Fear tremors for all it wants to do is to save what it loves; “You do not get to say that Hope! Now understand this, I do not see you and I do not have the time to get to know you, as I am constantly busy saving what I love. I stand up in many ways, for what I love. I would come across as rage, anger, anxiety, insecurity, and timidness. I rage and roar to protect and hang on to all that I Love. But, no one interprets me as a saviour, I am only seen as that which needs to gotten rid off. But that does not stop me from being me. It is not, ‘what you are not seen as’ or ‘seen to be’, and to put it straight for you, it is not that you must be seen at all that matters, for you to be you! Stop craving acknowledgement and attention. Irrespective of how you are seen, or If you are seen at all, just be you. Hope, just be there”. 

Fear continued, “Love promises because it loves, it aspires to be the world and be the best for what it loves and hence it promises. And may be, Love fails to live up to her expectations, but why is that stopping you from being the Hope that you are? … May be, Love wanted to be you and it failed and as you say not all Love is as good as the Love that is in Loss. May be, not all Love can endure and persevere and be itself through the thick of hurt, resentment, regret, guilt and disappointment. May be, it wanted to endure and persevere and just that it was not able to do so for reason even Love does not know! Hope, can you not crave for invitations and wait until you are called out for? … Like how you put it, can you not be a disgrace to yourself?…”

“Because I am not that which you are and do not act in the same way as you do, I am a Disgrace? … Fear, You are so full of yourself!’ Hope replied in her defence.

Fear was fierce when she said, “I am the enabler of caution and consciousness as I strive to protect what I Love, while you strive for attention and invitation”

Oh Yes, Fear! All glory to you for all the many ways in which you manifest and for all the number of times you kill me in the name of saving me” Love screamed out loud. “The Problem is not that you react, the catastrophe is that you overreact

My instinct is to protect you, Love“, Fear replied.

“Yes, Only, you get to kill me, in the name of protecting me”, Love anguished.


How I know myself to be as against how I come across to the other – Love, Hope, Fear and Loss bombarded and blazed against each other in this blame game. Each knew who they were, but little did they know as to how they come across to each other and the impact they had on each other. The voices of blame began to louden and overlap as Love, Hope, Fear and Loss continue to exert and express the traits they were made of. They go round and round and get no where. The voices are now in disarray, with Love, Fear, Hope and Loss screaming and reinforcing their right of will and in its process they were all collapsing into the abyss of blame. They were desperate to pin down on whose fault this was.


Is it because Love aspires to be that, it is not?

Is it Hope, playing hide and seek and wants for it be sought after?

Is it Fear, that is ruling and restricting the roost with its tensed and tightened ropes? or

Is it Loss, that overwhelms itself and others by not knowing what to do with its Love?


Amidst, the chaos a voice spoke, 

So, you are looking for an answer? …You Love, Fear, Hope and Loss you want to find where and with whom the fault lies? …So you can fix it? …”

Love, Fear, Hope and Loss nodded in unison.

Then, listen closely as I speak the truth to you. I do not want you to take offence. Even if you do take offence, it will be yours to deal with. There are three iterative orders you need to come in terms with and if you can come in terms with them and see through those understandings, it will reveal and pin down the one at fault here.”

Love, Fear, Hope and Loss were ready to hear those truths and dive into its understandings. Fear was little apprehensive, and with some hesitation, she asked, “who are you? …Why do you even want to help? …Also, I feel you are going to give us the answer that  though we appear to be different, and express ourselves differently Love, Fear, Hope and Loss are manifestations of the same thing..”

Haha, I am never that obvious! And I can see your cautious instinct come to play here. Also, regarding that who am I question, You will come to know, you do not have to trust me, just trust yourself, to live through this conversation” the voice replied.

There settled in a keen silence that wanted to listen ,

The explosive power and agility with which each of you expressed and exploded only reinforces why you- Love, Fear, Hope and Loss are the immortal elements that make up life, you are the theatre that allows for life to exist. Hope, let me save you first. Fear, accused you of being the attention seeker, the sadist, the one who waits to be called for! Yes, Fear is right! Fear, her instincts for that matter are only right. No, No Hope! This is what you are made of. Hope, you are a function of struggle and you can appear only when you are called for. The trench of darkness is where one can find you and that is where you get to be the light. So, you have to wait until the darkness engulfs. You are guilty as accused and be gracefully so. But do understand that this is what Fear gets to see from where she resides and what she in her capacity knows. Remember, Truths could contradict, … but they can co-exist”

Hope could suddenly appreciate the death-defying balance that fear is capable of; she was convinced that truths can co-exist.

The voice turned to Fear, “So have you figured out the truths you have to co-exist with? … Love finds your hold suffocating, for the way you cling her with all your might. Yes, Love is all you have got; while you say that in your defence, love anguishes with rage in her defence. Love is fierce both in fights and forgiveness; she is infinitely complex in the way she expresses. Remember, Truths could contradict, they can co-exist and also go on to complement one another“.

Love and Fear exchanged those glances that were accommodative of each others truths.

Loss knew it was her turn now, the voice needed to take a deep breath before it continued, “Love and Loss – the cause and consequence! Loss, on a personal note, I have much to thank you. I admire your conviction and commitment to Love, the only thing I would like to let you know is that you do not have to feel sorry about it. What is weighing you down is self-pity and not the Love you are holding on to. No truth exists in self-pity, shed that armour and live your truth of loss, gracefully. Accept that you have lost, lost something you cannot replace, there is no shame is loving till you burst. You in your nature strive to love in loss, you can do that with more grace. You are okay as you are! “

Loss felt a sense of relief, as for once no one wanted to change her into that she is not.

“Love, as simple as you are, you have been that complex riddle to experience. That is because of the numerous ways in which you express yourself, and you have to be so because you care; you care in many ways and you are uncompromising. The fault is not in your ability to live up to your standard, but that it is distorted by perceptions and crippled by forces that go on to enable/disable you. These are forces that you don’t know,they exist. “

Enabling Forces? …What? …We are the immortal elements that make up life…No force needs to enable me to be me! ” Love replied.

“Do not get anxious, Love; yes, whether you like it or not there is something that has the ability to limit what you manage to achieve. This equally applies to you trio – Hope, Fear and Loss.”

Love, Hope, fear and Loss were baffled by what they heard.

You are immortal beings that enable the experience of existence. This existence is made of a certain structure. The fluidity in the structure can exert its influence in the experience you immortals are capable of enabling. At the conscious level, a soul comprehends its experiences in three ways- Thought, emotion and virtue.

Thought and emotion – are the more common fluid collectors of experience. They are prone to fluctuate and change. They respond and react to circumstances. They are not characterised by consistency.

Virtue – on the other side is a less common but concrete comprehender of experience. It knows no change and no circumstantial pressures can influence its way. Virtue’s character is being consistent with what it committed to. 

Love, Hope, Fear, and Loss – when you are lived as a thought or emotion, the nature of thought and emotion is to wither away and change in the way circumstantial pressures drive them. Hence you are bound to exist and then not exist, come and go as situations warrant. Virtue, by means of its rigidity and robustness gives into none and when you are lived as a virtue, no inconvenience, no amount of hurt, no circumstance gets to dethrone you.

Love, when lived as a virtue is the path of life,

Fear, when lived as a virtue is the birth place of courage that enables you to walk the path of love; and

Hope as a virtue lights the path when darkness fills. 

I promised to enlighten you with three orders that will help you to live with yourselves, I can summarise the conversation i just had with you as:


Order I: You have absolute grip over who you are, but that exerts no control over the impact you have over another.

Order II: You have the capacity to accommodate the truth of another, if you exercise your willingness to be so.

Order III: You can be immortal, but It all comes down to virtue.


Hope felt liberated, Love was full of gratitude, fear felt the urge to speak into the stillness of peace that was hovering in the void of that conversation,

“But wait! Hang on! …All of this makes sense. I’m convinced, well, almost! at least! But who are you? …. And, what happens to Loss as a virtue? … Why didn’t you talk about Loss as a virtue? …”

The voice laughed out loud.

Love and Hope exchanged their glances and giggles. Love cleared her voice, embraced Fear and whispered in her ears, “Don’t you get it! The answer is the same for both your questions! “

Fear looked bewildered.


The voice continued, “Let me break it for you. When loss endures as a virtue it becomes me. Nothing can enrich you more than hurt and loss. I am the enriched Wisdom”. 

Fear felt a shiver down her and felt that she has found the one entity she can trust, believe, and ask questions.

Undisturbed by any of it, Wisdom continued, “Now that, you know your three orders, it isn’t a surprise that none of you are at fault here, If it is anyone’s fault in all of this,  then it is mine. It is Wisdom that can enable these understandings to happen, so the greater dynamics of interaction between souls is less piercing, punishing and more endearing and enduring with the experiences you immortals have to offer. But, my limitation is that, I am in short supply. I seem to be special, sparse and rare! 

…And Fear, if you are going to ask me about enabling existence to live virtues and not be carried away by thoughts and emotions, then let me tell you, that is a whole new conversation for another day…. !”

Please don’t leave us and go away…..’”, Fear shouted as Wisdom wrapped up the conversation and prepared to walk away.

“There is no way I can go away. Once I am found, I am always here to stay.”– Wisdom waved out; and Love, Fear, Hope and Loss understood that there was no replacement to the peace Wisdom can make prevail. 


Anchor

What anchors and wanders the mind is the same thought. For reasons uncovered, this post by name is called, Anchor. The poem that looks at substantive non-existence or rather the value of non-existence.

Read on,

“Thirty spokes share the hub of a wheel;

yet it is its centre that makes it useful.

You can mould clay into a vessel;

yet, it is its emptiness that makes it useful.

Cut doors and windows from the walls of a house;

but the ultimate use of the house will depend on that part where nothing exists.

Therefore, something is shaped into what is;

but its usefulness comes from what is not.”

Tao Te Ching

Perhaps, what is visible is an illusion. It has no use without that which is absent.

The value of reality is its immateriality.

Opposite Inversions

The space-time conundrum within which is a path;

conquered by,

what you think you want to see; and

consumed by,

what you are made to think you see;

The former knows no confines;

The latter knows every constraint;

The former feeds and grows by order of its reflection;

The latter feeds and grows by order of its illusion.

 

If I tell you, the only existential choice in this path is to be held hostage by the former AND latter;

If I tell you, While existence is Binary, the existential path framed by the former and latter is otherwise;

Would you be my guest?

 

Trapped in the blinding light of the former and latter prisms;

By and Between,

what you see; What you think you see

What you think you want to see; what you are made to think you see.

If the only existential choice in this path is to be held together, by that which can be

opposite inversions of each other;

Would you …be …….my guest.

 

An ode to my Heart

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The might of this being; will go as far & war;

to harbour your twinkle.

 

I not know where you came from;

I not know I had you in me until that moment-

When reckless words had found their way to hold me hostage;

Holding me as tight as a drumhead; you whispered:

‘The hurt you could inflict on others will not make yours go away”

The infancy listened; though it was far from owning the worth of

the intrinsic weight of your words;

You chose to reside in the dark; while you propelled me to shine through it all.

 

The adolescence can hold no apology;

for not seeing through the you-me boundaries.

It took you down to the perils of time;

Into the torture chambers, being battered, bruised and burnt…yet,

you had the audacity to bleed out obliviousness to any defence.

You went through it all to the end of it; yet,

as a wreck you chose to be and beat for me.

 

In the absolute darkness and desolation;

there is a light; that light is you.

I came to see it again when you lay your tight as a drumhead hold;

to pick me up even as you were withering away.

Taking the infancy and adolescence with it, the  adult wanted a little more of you;

to be with you; and, to be as you.

All it took was that deep long determinant breathe;

the one that is needed for an orchestrated jump off a cliff;

to walk through every step, in that road to reclamation.

 

In expeditions you have been left charred by circumstances and burnt by betrayals…yet;

you put yourself together to keep me buoyant.

In the depths of darkness I see you take on those fights,

those with the perils of the past, insecurities of the present, and the fears of the future.

Every iteration of me has looked up to you; has been guided by you;

You are the protector of the eclectic realms that make this being.

The deep long determinant breathe became my way and walk of life;

If that is what it takes to harbour your twinkle.

 

The only fitting ode I have for you, is to be you:

your Spirit, Authenticity and Good will.  ♡

 

 

 

The Music He is.

Music, It is by definition indefinable for the way in which it harmoniously and intricately expresses emotions and therefore unreachable by means of language. There is something in Music which can only be expressed through or as Music. Yet, with in the confines of language and from the depths of a raging gratitude, I am  attempting this ode, to the Music, He is.

He, by name is A R Rahman.

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There is much said about the link between Music and cognition, and in its fold is the link between music and Identity: how we define ourselves, personally and culturally by what we listen to. In that sense, You are my identity, you are how I know myself, you are how millions across many generations know and experience themselves. The quality of the music you create reflects the raging depths and rigour you go through, it is something in which truth has set itself to work, to create those universally comprehensible pieces of composition. Your circumstances of music-making have only been the genuinity with which you approach it, truth sets itself to work with grace. It is Indeed a privilege to be able to identify and connect to the genuinity and grace you package in that which you create. It has been my privilege! You are our privilege! 

Your creations provide pioneering ecstasy and peace, breaking new ground in musical constructs, they are an exciting challenge to orthodoxies, and resonate with contemporary life. But how those musical constructs are packed with virtues and not just emotions, and how they make themselves known in the result, are questions your humility hasn’t been very fond of. You do not take the weight of your virtues, showing us by example what breaking free from the self is. Not many composers have philosophical gifts, you attempt to justify your music in philosophical and spiritual terms. Your instinctive musicianship has prevailed, having survived perhaps conflicts and disasters.   Perhaps, No one knows it better than you,  it is precisely the absence of philosophical and spiritual reflection that can lead to the invasion of the musical arena by half-baked ideas. 

As an Architect who creates spaces, I am well aware that the artist, as a creator, the kind of destruction he needs to go through to be able to create. As it is said, the creator, to usher in the new world of emancipation by smashing the spear of our previous agreements, destroys thereby the moral order on which he depends.  We need to go back over the ground so intricately covered by that great work of art, and to raise again the question that motivates it. As T.S. Eliot put it, true artists are not the antagonists of tradition but their latest advocates. They belong to the future because they are guardians of the past. The elegance with which you belong to the future as a guardian of the past will be unsurpassed. 

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Many Love you, and many are grateful to you, but none as eternally as me. I am forever grateful not just for filling my solitude with grace, ecstasy and peace; but for being the only earthly thing I held on to as I was pulling myself out of a cardiac arrest and stroke as a 25 year old, abandoned in a far away country, with no known face around me. I will forever remember clinging on to my headphones to lose myself in the intensity, depth, rage, agony, anguish, love, pain, mystery, miracle and calmness of your rendition in ‘ Sandhosha kannere’, as I was trying to forget losing my eyesight if only for a few hours. This composition has a kind of depth where none of us can see the bottom, or the top. Ironically, this encapsulates my existence. Music is a higher revelation than all wisdom and Philosophy, so said Beethoven; You are that to me, A R Rahman.

Richard Wagner  said, I believe in God, Mozart and Beethoven; I say, In light and dark, to reawaken and redeem I believe in the Almighty  and  A R Rahman. 

You graced my road to recovery from illness, despair, and anxiety with the soul you pack in your compositions. I did heal.

The truth of my life is;

உன் இசை ….மட்டும் இல்லையென்றால் 

நான் என்றோ என்றோ இறந்திருப்பேன்!

Thank you A R RAHMAN. Happy Birthday! Masha Allah for you. Every time I read this Poem by Rumi, I think this is you:

I am God’s Lion, not the lion of passion….
I have no longing
except for the One.
When a wind of personal reaction comes,
I do not go along with it.

There are many winds full of anger,
and lust and greed. They move the rubbish around,
but the solid mountain of our true nature stays where it’s always been. ”

May the Almighty bless you in abundance. Hope, Peace and Infinite Love to you.

With abundant gratitude, Sincerity and Love,

Nisha

Chasing Certainties

Who you are, in the way you are capacitated to conceive, comes down to the things you know. We are constantly engaged in widening our realms of understandings about ourselves and others. We want to know and we want to verify what we know.

As we evolve and go through existence as shaped and comprehended by this illusion called time, we are constantly chasing certainties. Who doesn’t like definitive accounts?

calvin-and-hobbes  Inspired by the love of my life Calvin, I decided to chase my certainties and pin them down. Here you go,

  Things I will never like:

  1. The sight of cockroach, more so if it can fly. 
  2. People pinching my nose to express how much they like me. It hurts 😦
  3. Being icy cold. The only redemption is me becoming Elsa and doing a ‘Let it Go… The cold Never bothered me anyway’ attitude dance! 
  4. The worlds in me collide, contemplation is at its best, I orchestrate the best escape from reality, ideas come running in and the hot water runs out. My world falls apart. #longshowerdisasters (All my showers are never short).
  5. The Distance between light switch and my bed. Dark monsters live there. (closing my eyes and running straight to my bed is my counter strike to incapacitate the monsters). 
  6. Dentist looking down on me and treating me like I am a piece of wood.
  7. Mindless conformity, spineless people, Irresponsible parenting, Money obsessed, inconsiderate people; In short: average existence.
  8. Making coffee that looks just a little not like white milk, more so, if you make that coffee for me.
  9. If you say something and do something else, In short: empty words.
  10. Someone treating my teddy bear like he is a pillow -.- and, on a similar note, treating me like that pillow like teddy, In short: taking me for granted. 

On a related note, I did a certainty chase of the truths I believe in, a little while ago,  10 Things I know to be True. 

Break Even

If there is one thing we can do nothing about, it is our obsession with understanding.  It is the single most sign of being, consciousness and existence. Though we all share this obsession, the greatest irony is, the understandings we are capable of is only in the capacity of – ‘each to their own’. The complexities, contradictions and catastrophe this irony is capable of creating is boundless, not just when understandings have to co-exist, also when our own understandings do not add up to a whole or to something of a familiar nature. Be it science or Be it Religion they have endeavoured /endeavouring to give this quest to understand our inner worlds and outer worlds a definitive form, shape and story. We are enticed by the existence of this idea of a balance, a Break Even.

We want the good deeds we are capable of, to measure up to something. We want the goods we do, to give us something in return. We are inclined to trade our benevolence and kindness to any unknown benefit. There is an inherent craving for all of  what we are and what we do,  and all that we go through to make sense; for all of it to mean something  or anything. We like to believe that there is an impending Break Even.

We want our actions to have a consequence and more importantly a desired consequence.We simply want our efforts to pay us. We live in a world that is conditioned to believe in a certain cause/effect relationship. With this, comes a sense of entitlement, a sense of worth, commonly referred as the concept of deserve – ‘what did I do to deserve this’? If you have lived this question, you would know that this is the rollercoaster that takes you everywhere but gets to no where.

Have you ever questioned why this sense of entitlement invariably ties your privileges as a form and means of pleasure?

Would you step out of the hedonist bubble and consider this ? :

May be, it is a privilege to live every form of hurt there is;

May be, it is a privilege to live through ironies; 

May be, it is a privilege to live through shattering of hope;

May be, it is a privilege to have lived through all of this and all there is to come.

May be, living it all as a privilege will not warrant the pursuit of that Break Even.

May be, that Break Even does not exist at all.

Or;

May be what you can give yourself is not a Break Even,

…but the will to Break through it all and Beat the odds.

The FALL

A sight that steals your breath;

A Phenomena that phantoms your being;

A connection that captures your reality;

All, in an experience you cannot deny nor comprehend.

Can such an endearing delight be made of such incredible intensity, mysterious depths and relentless rage?

Is this your way of taking the fall for the ground that gave up on you?

With the roaring fall 

your spirit soars so high;

so high; that you are one with the clouds;

that beg to drench themselves in the flair and grace of the rising mist.

You make your fall your rise;

with ferocious elegance, in-comprehensive simplicity and raging love.

You made me pierce through the rainbows to get a glimpse of you

In you, In your FALL and its spirit, you remind me of  a girl I know. 

S.H.E

To dive in and get all consumed was the only way she knew to indulge. For,

She sees the world as it is;

She sees the world as it could be;

And also has an eye for what everybody else sees;

She dances with effortless elegance with all that she sees;

All with no intentions to fill the giant gasping chasm in between.

She locks herself away to solitude that no negotiations could gain access. For,

She hides in silence and solitude among the nothing she constructs out of the eclectic mix of things, ideas, and interests she is made of; She is aware that the notion of the narrowly focussed couldn’t penetrate through her complexities and the most deeply-ingrained truths of the world are beyond comprehension; So was she, beyond all interpretations within the confines of language.

Her capacity to self-sabotage with so much elegance elicits her immunity to the understanding that wanting to believe the best about people doesn’t make it so. That was her gift, she will make you feel like a person of value and fill you with her insane ideals of integrity.

She was the most exquisite paradox, enriched with all the chaos and clarity. For, 

She was a set of things that can’t be part of itself;

She was a set of all sets that don’t contain itself; She defies logic

To be both soft and stubborn; Patient and ruthless;

To be detached and ragingly affectionate;

To be both comprehensive and incomplete; insane and intelligent;

To be the Predator and its Prey;

To have been The Trauma and The Triumph.

S.H.E : Synopsis (of) Her Eccentricities

You and Me.

Just before you realised she had taken the lead.
You pretended to not like the way she looked at you.
As you read into the fleeing moment the crinkle on your t-shirt together with the strand of thread that managed to latch on to her bracelet told the story of an aura that you will never be able to put in words. She left you with tingles of delight shivering through your everything.

As she got hold of the misbehaving strands of hair hiding her face she looked at you in complete contempt for not doing that which you could have done; and the charge only included the poetic rescue of not putting those enigmatic strands in its place. Even its simulation was giving her the chills. That which came through and met your eyes was not the contempt but an ecstatic state of wonder. You were willing to dedicate your life to ponder on how that look in her eyes makes you feel like you have lived it all ; at the same time feeds you with the perfect shot of faith and hope to live all that is never been lived.